


A Night to (Not) Remember

by AryaNoName (merrymegtargaryen)



Series: Westeros Academy [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Gen, westeros academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-23 05:49:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/922733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrymegtargaryen/pseuds/AryaNoName
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sansa and Jeyne Poole crash a frat party. Chaos ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Night to (Not) Remember

**Author's Note:**

> emmanatrix gave me the prompt for this fic and also came up with over half the content because she is wonderful and amazing.

Why don’t you room with Jeyne, they said. It will be fun, they said. 

Sansa had never regretted her life decisions more.

Jeyne was the kind of friend who you liked much better from a distance. When she was your roommate and borrowed your clothes and used your toothpaste and woke you up early with her ab-flattening-and-breast-enlarging exercises, well, that was a horse of a different color.  
Every year, Sansa was determined to find a new roommate—one who plugged in their headphones and kept their mess on their side of the room. And every year, she somehow found herself thinking, “Well, maybe next year will be better.” 

Hah.

Sansa had a list of 142 reasons why, if she ever killed Jeyne Poole, she would be completely justified. The most recent addition to the list was her obsession with Theon Greyjoy.  
Sansa was surprised, to say the least, though not entirely disappointed. Jeyne usually went for older men…men like their professors. She had spent all of last year mooning over their English teacher, Beric Dondarrion, and there had even been that embarrassing stint with Renly Baratheon, followed by the even more embarrassing stint of Jeyne admitting that Sansa’s father was a DILF. Sansa was relieved, at least, that her latest older-man-crush was on someone a bit more accessible.

Sansa supposed that she couldn’t exactly blame Jeyne, either. Theon had started college in the fall, along with Robb and Jon, and the change of environment did wonders for him. He’d finally fixed that ridiculous facial hair he was always trying to grow and evened out his hair; add that to the toned body he’d spent the summer developing (to impress college girls, of course), and Sansa supposed she could see where the appeal lay. He was too much like her gross older brother or cousin or something for her to think of him like that, but thinking of him like that seemed to be all Jeyne could do.

“What kind of girls does Theon like?” “What kind of music does Theon listen to?” “Did you ever see Theon’s penis? What, it’s a legitimate question.” 

Sansa gave Jeyne Theon’s number and hoped that that would shut her up.

It didn’t.

“SANSA!” Jeyne screeched the moment Sansa entered the room. “Theon’s college friends are having a party this weekend!”

Sansa blinked. “Oh. Okay.”

“He invited us to come along!” squealed Jeyne. “Isn’t that fabulous?!”

Oh no.

“That was nice of him,” Sansa said delicately. “But I, uh, don’t think I’ll be going.”

“What?!” Jeyne jumped off her bed and ran to Sansa. “You have to come. If I go alone I’ll look like a loser. I’ll be that lame girl who came by herself.”

“Well, I’m sorry, Jeyne, but I really don’t want to go.” Sansa avoided her roommate’s eye as she kicked off her shoes. 

“But Sansaaaa,” Jeyne whined. “This might be my only opportunity to impress Theon! Don’t you want my happiness, Sansa?”

Ugh. 

“Well…”

Jeyne fell on her knees. “Pleeeease? I’ll do your homework.”

“You never do your own homework.”

“Right, right. I’ll let you borrow my Jimmy Choos.”

“They were mine.”

“Oh, right. Well, I’ll...give you the room whenever you have a boy over.”

“Because my love life is so busy right now,” Sansa said irritably, starting to turn away.

“I’ll keep the room clean for a month!” Jeyne threw out in desperation.

Sansa turned back to her, slowly. “Do you promise?”

Jeyne seized her opportunity. “Yes! Yes, I promise, Sansa, cross my heart, hope to die.”

Sansa considered. “Oh…all right.”

Jeyne squealed at an unnatural pitch and threw her arms around Sansa. “You won’t regret this, I promise!”

Sansa could already feel herself starting to.

***

If Sansa had regretted her decision to chaperone Jeyne before, she full-out rued the day Jeyne Poole came into her life when they walked into the frat house.  
Jeyne had picked out their outfits and even did Sansa’s makeup for her. The effect of dark eye makeup, skimpy tops, skinny jeans, unfortunately high platforms and dangly earrings was supposed to make them look older and more collegiate, but Sansa couldn’t help thinking that they looked like victims of sex trafficking. 

No sooner had they walked into the crowded frat house (it was more like dignified stumbling in their platforms) than a rotund boy near the door bellowed, “DIBS!”  
Sansa’s mouth fell open. “Did he just—”

“Theon!” Jeyne shouted. She stopped to adjust her bra (she’d stuffed it in the hopes of attracting Theon’s attention) before grabbing Sansa’s arm and dragging her through the sea of people.

Theon was in a corner talking to a guy who looked much too old to be at a frat party, but he turned to hug both of them when they stumbled to a halt beside him. “I’m glad you made it,” he shouted over the noise with an emphatic wink at Jeyne. “Can I get you ladies anything to drink?”

“No thanks,” shouted Sansa. She wasn’t sure that she’d trust Theon with getting her a drink even if she wasn’t the designated driver.

“I’ll have something,” Jeyne said sweetly.

“I’ll be right back,” Theon promised, winking again for Jeyne’s benefit.

Jeyne turned to talk to Theon’s friend, but Sansa was lost in the din around her. People were dancing everywhere to a bassline she could barely make out, and almost all of them were holding red Solo cups. A few of the more enthusiastic dancers were sloshing purple liquid everywhere; a splash of the concoction landed near Sansa’s feet and effectively drowned her hopes and dreams.

Theon returned bearing two red Solo cups. “Party Juice for the lady, and a virgin Sierra Mist for the other lady,” he said gallantly, handing Sansa the cup with the clear liquid. She swirled the cup suspiciously before she took a small sip.

Jeyne had no such misgivings. She downed half her cup and laughed. “This is so good!” she shouted. “What’s in it?”

“You don’t want to know,” said Theon’s friend.

“Oh, shit, I forgot; this is my bro Dontos,” Theon shouted. “Don, this is my adopted sister, Sansa, and her roommate Jeyne.”

“Adopted, huh?” Dontos said in a way that made Sansa extremely uncomfortable.

“You wanna dance?” Theon asked Jeyne when she’d finished her drink.

“Yeah!” she agreed enthusiastically, tugging him out to join the other couples.

“Your friend is a live-wire,” Dontos shouted.

“You have no idea,” Sansa muttered.

Dontos leaned in closer. “I didn’t know Theon had such a hot sister.”

Sansa squirmed. “Um…”

“I’m sorry, I’m kinda drunk,” Dontos admitted. “Do you wanna dance?”

Sansa searched for an excuse and found none. “Oh, um…no.” Dontos looked as if he was about to protest. “I have to, um, pee.” And she hightailed it away from him as fast as her platforms would allow her.

She ended up on a couch between two couples violently making out, but at least she was away from Dontos. She sipped her Sierra Mist and watched everyone have a better time than her. 

Jeyne and Theon found her some time later. Jeyne could barely walk, and Sansa didn’t know if it was because of her shoes or the drink she had chugged or an unfortunate combination of both. 

“Have you been over here this whole time?” Jeyne shouted.

“Your friend Dontos is a creep,” Sansa said with an accusing look at Theon.

“Aw, I’m sure he was just messing with you,” Theon laughed. “Come on, get up and have some fun!”

“No thanks.”

“Sansaaaaaaaaaaaaa.” Jeyne plopped herself in Sansa’s lap. “You are such a party-pooper! Come on and daaaaance!”

Sansa wrinkled her nose. “Jeyne, what was in that drink, you smell awful.”

“Girls just wanna have fun!” Jeyne started to belt. “Ooohhhh girls just wanna have—that’s all they really wanna haaaaave!”

“I might have given her a second drink,” Theon confessed. “And a third.”

“Thanks, Theon,” Sansa drawled. “Come on, let’s get you out in the fresh air.”

She and Theon led a stumbling Jeyne outside. Sansa had hoped that it would be quieter out here, or at least less crowded, but to no avail; there were even more people outside, shouting to one another and laughing uproariously. Sansa wondered if the police hadn’t been alerted to the noise yet or just didn’t care. 

Jeyne collapsed against Theon and giggled. “Whoops, clumsy ol’ me!”

“Sweetie, maybe you should take your shoes off,” Theon suggested, but Sansa noticed that he wasn’t exactly removing his arms from around Jeyne’s waist.

“No, my shoes are cute and I look great,” Jeyne insisted. “Besides, I have a handsome knight to catch me when I fall!”

Sansa wished she could sink through the patio so she wouldn’t have to listen to this. “Oh, look,” she said loudly. “There’s something going on.”

Jeyne stopped giggling against Theon long enough to watch a group of frat boys carry out a keg. They were surrounded by even more frat boys, all of whom were chanting, “KEGSTAND! KEGSTAND! KEGSTAND!”

“I wanna do a kegstand!” Jeyne bellowed.

“Um, Jeyne, maybe that’s not the best idea…”

But Jeyne was already sailing towards the keg. “Meeee!” she shouted. “Pick meeee!”  
“  
Oh, seven hells,” Sansa groaned, tearing after her friend.

Two muscly frat boys were already hoisting Jeyne up into the air; a third held the tap up to her mouth.

“ONE, TWO, THREE,” the guys chanted. “FOUR, FIVE, SIX!”

Sansa watched nervously as Jeyne continued gulping from the tap. She had already consumed more than she was capable of handling—Sansa wasn’t looking forward to the level of intoxication Jeyne was about to reach. No one else shared her concerns; a huge crowd had gathered around the keg and everyone was cheering, “CHUG, CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!” The tissues Jeyne had used to stuff her bra fell out and Sansa covered her face in secondhand embarrassment.

Well, you couldn’t say this wouldn’t be a night to remember. If Jeyne remembered anything at all, really.

Finally she kicked her legs and the boys set her down, cheering.

“That was so much fuuuuun!” Jeyne shouted as she stumbled into Theon’s arms. She looked at Sansa and beamed. “We should totally make out!”

“Go get her some water or something,” Sansa groaned, tugging Jeyne out of Theon’s arms.

“Are you two gonna make out?” he wanted to know.

“NOW, THEON.”

Theon slunk into the house with a disappointed look. 

“Hey, Sansa,” Jeyne slurred. “Doesn’t that guy look like Renly Baratheon?”

Sansa followed Jeyne’s gaze and was horrified to see that it was indeed her T.A. He seemed to have misplaced his shirt and he appeared to be playing Edward Fortyhands with a group of guys surrounding him.

“Jeyne, that is Renly Baratheon, and we are so fucked.”

Renly’s eyes met theirs and for a long moment, the three of them were planted to the ground in terror. Then Sansa and Jeyne wheeled around and ran as fast as their platforms would allow. If they had looked back, they would see that Renly was running in the opposite direction just as fast, beer sloshing out of the 40s duct-taped to his hands.

“We are dead, we are so dead,” Sansa kept groaning. “He’s going to tell my dad and the headmaster and we’ll be expelled oh my gods…”

They ran straight into two men and Sansa immediately apologized. “I’m so sorry, we—” Her face paled. “Professor Dondarrion…Professor Thoros.”

“That was an impressive display, Miss Poole,” Thoros said, smirking. 

“Yeah only I don’t feel so good anymore,” Jeyne slurred. She promptly retched purple vomit all over Beric Dondarrion’s shoes. “Oh, shit.”

“Well, it was lovely running into you, see you on Monday!” Sansa said loudly as she grabbed Jeyne and dragged her through the crowd. “Of all the people you had to throw up on, it   
had to be our English teacher?!”

“I know; now I’ll never have a chance with him,” Jeyne said mournfully. 

Sansa propped her up against the wall of the house. “Wait here, I’m going to try and find Theon.”

She dove back into the crowd, keeping an eye out for the man who had caused this mess. She eventually located him in the kitchen, laughing with a bunch of frat boys.

“I sent you to get water!” she snapped.

“I was,” he defended, holding up a red Solo cup as proof. “I just got distracted.”

Sansa rolled her eyes and snatched the cup of water out of his hands. He followed her outside…

…where Jeyne was surrounded by frat boys and attempting to reenact the Cup Song.

It was embarrassing to watch; she had no rhythm and kept accidentally smashing her cup until someone handed her a new one. Several bystanders were taking vines of the event. 

Even Theon whipped out his phone, much to Sansa’s embarrassment.

“I promise I can do it!” Jeyne insisted. “I’m just…I’m sorry, I’ve never been this drunk before.”

“Jeyne,” Sansa said, edging closer to her. 

“This is my first party,” Jeyne continued, leaning against the two nearest males. “I’m having soooo much fun but oh my god I’m so drunk, I’m sorry, this is embarrassing.”

“No, you’re fine,” one of the boys said a little too eagerly. “Maybe we should take you upstairs so you can…rest?”

“Excuse me,” said Sansa, moving forward to try and extricate Jeyne. 

One of the frat boys slapped her ass. “Are redheads as crazy in the sack as everyone says they are?”

“Hey man,” Theon said in a warning tone. 

It was at that moment that Renly Baratheon, still shirtless and duct-taped hands now covered in shards of glass, burst out of nowhere. He charged into the ring of boys around Jeyne and Sansa, brandishing a rake and shouting, “GET AWAY FROM THE UNDERAGE GIRLS!”

The frat boys scattered, leaving Jeyne to topple into Sansa’s arms as Renly continued chasing them down. (“Where did he even get a rake from?!”)  
“Theon, help,” Sansa commanded. Theon scooped up Jeyne (“You’re so stroooong!”) and followed Sansa out to her car, where he promptly deposited Jeyne in the passenger seat—though not before she smacked a wet, sloppy kiss on him. He waved them off with a smirk.

Later on, Sansa would never quite remember how she managed to get a thoroughly intoxicated Jeyne out of the car, into the residence hall, up the stairs, and into the bathroom, where Jeyne spent the better part of the evening and early morning emptying her stomach. Sansa patiently fed her bread and water until it was over, and then lugged the exhausted girl out of the bathroom and into her bed. 

When Jeyne awoke at one o’clock the next afternoon, it was with a monster of a hangover. She groaned like a kraken from the deep and buried her face in her pillows. 

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” said Sansa, getting up to find the Aspirin. “How do you feel?”

Jeyne growled in response. “I can’t even remember half of what happened.”

“Weeeelllllll…” Sansa turned her computer screen towards Jeyne. “Fortunately for you, there are about a hundred instagrams and at least thirty vines to help you remember, including some from Renly Baratheon, Professor Dondarrion, Professor Thoros, and Theon.”

Sometimes, Sansa couldn’t help thinking as she watched Jeyne’s eyes widen in horror, justice was sweet.


End file.
